Negotiations are meant to be a two-way approach to rational problem solving, but they can sometimes end up turning personal. A comment can feel like an attack and an accusation may sting. When personal attacks start flying, it’s easy to get caught up in the moment. When negotiations turn personal, emotions can cloud judgment, making it difficult to focus on solutions. The ability to detach oneself and remain objective is what separates successful negotiators from those who let their emotions derail outcomes.
Recognize Emotional Triggers
The first step in remaining objective is self-awareness. Everyone has personal triggers, whether it’s topics, tones, or personal remarks that spark defensiveness. By recognizing these triggers in advance, negotiators can practice strategies to remain calm. For example, instead of immediately getting defensive over a remark, they can pause, breathe, and remind themselves that the comment is a result of frustration, and not a personal attack.
Separate the People from the Problem
One of the best ways to remain objective is to separate the people from the problem. When the other party raises their voice or makes accusations, it is easy to get angry and see them as the enemy. However, skilled negotiators remind themselves that the person is distinct from the underlying issue. By focusing on shared goals, they prevent their emotions from taking over and shutting down negotiations.
Be an Active Listener
Active listening is a powerful tool for diffusing tense situations. When someone feels heard, they are less likely to escalate conflict. Objective negotiators allow the other party to do most of the talking, paraphrasing and summarizing in their own words to demonstrate clarity. They also ask open-ended questions to help gather valuable information. This is a great way to demonstrate respect and show genuine interest, which can cool tensions and keep the conversation focused on solutions.
Managing One’s Own Emotions
The way you respond to a personal attack can define the course of the negotiation. If you retaliate or demonstrate frustration, you risk escalating the situation. On the other hand, responding calmly and with clarity demonstrates control over one’s emotions and the situation. Techniques such as controlled breathing, short breaks, or mentally reframing harsh words can prevent emotional overreaction.
When negotiations turn personal, it is more important than ever to remain focused and objective. Objectivity prevents negotiators from getting distracted by personal attacks and guides them back to rational decision making. Through self-awareness, emotional regulation, and active listening, negotiators can maintain clarity even under tense pressure. If you want to improve your objectivity when negotiating, start by taking one of our negotiation training courses. We can help you learn strategies for managing your emotions while turning tense encounters into opportunities for growth. Call today to learn more!